Zombieland.

I finished work early today. The plan was to go to The Baltic art gallery, just to hang out, and hopefully be approached by a girl with glasses, clutching a book on pop art to her ample bosom. We would get chatting, and would end up falling for each other, because she could see through the loser call centre worker facade to the erudite and charming man inside.
But then I read a magazine, and a film called Zombieland was showing. And Bill Murray has a cameo in it. So I went to the flicks instead.
It was two thirty in the afternoon, so there was me, and about half a dozen other people.
And you know what? I really enjoyed it. From the genuinely inventive and witty credit sequence, to the barnstorming ending. Sure, the characterisation was paper thin. The dialogue cliche ridden. But it was funny, scary, thrilling, and had moments of genuine pathos.
Some of the scares were telegraphed a mile off. I mean, when one character states in a voiceover that the only thing more scary than zombies are clowns, you know a zombie clown is gonna shuffle on to the screen at some point.
By the way, I don't believe people are really scared of clowns. It's just a knee jerk thing to say. For everyone person who is actually scared, there are ten people who just say it.
Anyhow, having the climatic zombie showdown set in an amusement park was a great idea. Bill Murray was genius. And I swear I saw Tom Cruise as a zombie. For the whole running time, I was engrossed. I even forgot about the coffee I'd bought.

The only thing is, on the bus ride home, the whole film started to slip away. I kind of struggle now, three hours after, to remember a whole lot about it. But so what. This film was made purely to keep you entertained. The violence was tongue in cheek. Never nasty or spiteful. Characters you actually grew to like. The action scenes, of which there are many, were filmed with a locked down camera, no shaky cam bollocks here.
Then I read the paper, and North Korea have launched another missile. So I suggest you go and see it soon, before the planet really is a barren wasteland, and we are the only survivors.

Why I Like Movies. In Three Minutes Four Seconds

Okay, so Ella Raines is undercover, acting all femme fatale sleazy. Elisha Cook Jr takes her to this jazz bar. The scene was shot by Siodmak, and he shot it in the expressionist style that he brought to America with him from his native Germany.
It is so crazy. All tilted angles and strange compositions. And very risque for the time as well. Easily one of my favourite ever scenes.

Saving The Planet

Everyone seems to want to save the planet. But they aren't are they? The planet will get on quite well without us. What they are really saying is save the humans. But is it worth the bother, even if it's not too late?
By my calculations, humanity reached it's peak about fifty years ago. It's been downhill since Marnie was released. There has been the odd bright spot of course. Hammers Gothics. The space shuttle. Some flicks from the movie brats in the seventies. Grunge.
Hell, even the fashions have been getting worse. Walking around the city centre, just about everyone is a fat fuck wearing sportswear, or laddish blokes with shit Oasis haircuts. And thank God that band have called it a day. And why do all these thuggish looking people always decide to act thuggish when I'm around?

Remember the last part of AI, that Spielberg movie? These alien types are sifting through the artifacts of a disappeared humanity. They are probably carting stuff off to their home planet to flog on their version of E-Bay. A-Bay or something. I reckon anything from before 1965ish fetches loads, anything after ends up going cheap.The scene below would be a prize artifact.

I mean, would you rather have a copy of Rear Window or Transformers? Would you rather bring back Orson Welles for a chat or Michael Bay? Have dinner with Grace Kelly or Lindsay Lohan?

So, next time someone asks you to sponsor them for some planet saving endeavor, ask yourself if the planet really needs us any more. We've already given it the best we have to offer.