Saving The Planet

Everyone seems to want to save the planet. But they aren't are they? The planet will get on quite well without us. What they are really saying is save the humans. But is it worth the bother, even if it's not too late?
By my calculations, humanity reached it's peak about fifty years ago. It's been downhill since Marnie was released. There has been the odd bright spot of course. Hammers Gothics. The space shuttle. Some flicks from the movie brats in the seventies. Grunge.
Hell, even the fashions have been getting worse. Walking around the city centre, just about everyone is a fat fuck wearing sportswear, or laddish blokes with shit Oasis haircuts. And thank God that band have called it a day. And why do all these thuggish looking people always decide to act thuggish when I'm around?

Remember the last part of AI, that Spielberg movie? These alien types are sifting through the artifacts of a disappeared humanity. They are probably carting stuff off to their home planet to flog on their version of E-Bay. A-Bay or something. I reckon anything from before 1965ish fetches loads, anything after ends up going cheap.The scene below would be a prize artifact.

I mean, would you rather have a copy of Rear Window or Transformers? Would you rather bring back Orson Welles for a chat or Michael Bay? Have dinner with Grace Kelly or Lindsay Lohan?

So, next time someone asks you to sponsor them for some planet saving endeavor, ask yourself if the planet really needs us any more. We've already given it the best we have to offer.